Diary of a Recovering Gender Dysphoric

  Content warning: strong language and graphic sexual descriptions After ten months on TikTok, I managed to accumulate 2.2k followers, most of whom are boylovers, which I made a separate YouTube video about. But as I am mostly passing as a very young biological male to most of my followers, I avoid talking about LGBT politics, as it's a quick giveaway that I am a trans man, and then I worry my followers will begin treating me like a woman. (Ironically, I don't think that'll make the sexual harassment increase in any way.) But I will both get a lot of conservatives commenting "girl" more than they already do (I'm not a girl. I'm a woman), and young annoying children asking me if I can verify that they pass or are also really transgender Today I'll be writing about three annoying topics that recur in my for-you-page. 1. Lesbian gatekeeping Are we still doing this? Lesbians are women who are exclusively attracted to other women. But in a world where a si...

Matthew 18:15-17 "If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that BY THE MOUTH OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES EVERY FACT MAY BE CONFIRMED. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector." I want to share this passage because as a Christian, I do appreciate other believers pointing out where I have gone astray. As this passage says, if your brother sins, the first step you take is to confront him in private and show him his faults. Something happened recently where the first couple of steps were skipped and spiritual authority figures were immediately involved. If I've done something wrong, please just talk to me first without assuming that I'm incapable of a mature discussion. 

This is not going to be a didactic post. This is going to be wholly self-indulgent as I map my feelings of the way my parents deal with my gender dysphoria. "Make sure you look feminine" is something I hear whenever I'm going to some gathering of people. It always fills me with frustration. Why do you care? It's my body and I should dress in what makes me feel good. "Just dress feminine." It's like telling an anorexic to "Just eat." Well, dang, I hadn't thought about before, Professor Obvious. The problem is that my BRAIN MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I'M FILLED WITH FREAKING INSECTS WHEN I TRY. When I visited camp last week, as I was signing in, the man greeted me, "Hey, bud. Are you excited for camp?" He talked down to me as if I were a little boy, because I'm 4'11" 3/4, I was wearing a collared button-up, and my hair was short and shaggy. I did not correct him. I found that I liked being called bud and sir and man. Everyb...

Gender dysphoria is like anorexia. Let me explain. Anorexia is a condition wherein you are disgusted by the natural processes of your body and fantasize about mutilating them in some way. Gender dysphoria is a condition wherein you are disgusted by the natural processes of your body and fantasize about mutilating them in some way. Anorexics look in the mirror and see a bigger version of the body they actually have. This false image of themselves drives them to make themselves lose weight so that they can become skinnier.  Gender dysphorics tell themselves that they are men trapped in women's bodies and vice versa. This drives them to look in the mirror and see every feminine or masculine attribute, respectively, as a flaw, and to seek hormones and surgeries to change them. Anorexia is often a result of trauma and an urge to take control over something easier as a way to cope. Gender dysphoria is often a result of trauma and an urge to change the body you had when you experienced tr...